PUPS && UPDATE

Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile since I last posted but I really needed a break as my head wasn't in it, I don't want to sound 'oh poor me' I just want to be honest as to where I'm at, but I have had an awful time with depression the past few weeks which is getting the better of me right now, as I have mentioned before I'm recovering from an eating disorder but right now my weight is really bring me down. I can't bring myself to leave the house on my own in fear of what other people think and I know realistically people do judge but not to the point were they pick out every flaw and scrutinise, with that the weight gain as a result of not exercising is quiet overwhelming. I'm stuck at a cross road but hopefully I can fight through this because I don't want to go down the self destructive road again. I won't be posting any OFTD posts for awhile until I feel a bit more confident in myself.

Moving on, I'm glad I got that out of the way, hope you all enjoyed the vlog of the puppy's, they are the most cutest little bundle of fluffs. They all are so different in looks and personality, I've become so attached to them, I'll be heart broken once they are gone. Tomorrow is my 21st birthday, I don't know how I feel about this, it's pretty scary getting 'old' and not knowing what the future holds, in another sense i'm shocked to have made it this far in to adult hood. 'it all goes down hill after 21' please say it isn't true. Oh I forgot to mention that I got my highlighter orange colour in my hair again, I love it, it's so vibrant, it's about time I got rid of the dodgy multi orangy/red. As I mentioned in the video if there is any post you would like me to do more of please just leave a comment, thanks.

Don't You Worry Child

Shirt - Primark

Disco Pants - River Island

Pumps - Primark

Bag - Primark

Fox Tail - Nasty Gal

Brooch - Charity Shop

So today I decided to be the top sister I am and treat my brother to Eddie Rockets, not to say I was craving an Oreo Milkshake. If you've never been to Eddie Rockets it's an American dinner with amazing food, go check it out guy's. Can you tell I love Primark lol. I also picked a few bits in boots which will be in a haul video very soon. I had a nice day bonding with my brother and I bet he just loved been dragged in and out of shops. I thought I show you what my brother wore on the day as well, enjoy.

cool runners !!!

M.A.C's 'Snob' Lipstick

Hi guy's I've been lusting over one of Mac's best sellers 'Snob' for awhile now and I've finally gone and purchased it. Snob is described by Mac as a "lady like mauve" which can not be more accurate. I have not stopped wearing Snob ever since I have bought it, it's a must for all you pale pink lovers out there. I am obsessed with Mac lipsticks and find that they are worth every penny. Snob is a pale lavender / pink with a satin finish which is semi matte but conditioning with an intense colour. This pretty pastel pink is a go to lipstick that looks amazing with a smokey purple eye or just worn on it's own without eye make up to instantly give you the wow factor. This shade works best on fair to tanned skin. If you don't own Snob I insist you go out and buy it now because you won't be disappointed that's for sure.

What's your favourite Mac Lipstick ?

Stomp Out Suicide

As you all may have known that it was Suicide Awareness day on September the 10th , people were told to write love on the their wrist or to wear yellow to show support for those who have considered or been affected in anyway, and to remember those who have took their own lives. I have been contemplation on weather to write this post or not for the past few days hence why i'm late, I thought if I could at least reach out to one of my readers and make a difference than yes I had to write this post. This post is just going to be the basic outline of what I went through and I felt like I should leave out some personal pieces, in no way am looking for attention by writing this post as I mentioned before that i'm hoping to reach out to people even be it just one.
I'm sure I wasn't born this way but then again I can't seem to remember a time where I was truly happy. I become so good at hiding the pain, the pain that was so dark and overwhelming that my glowing smile and bubbly personality would have tricked you. I can recall the start of my teenage years of been full of hatred towards myself and that's when I fell down the road of self destruction. I just wanted the pain to disappear, every waking minute was occupied by my obsessive thoughts and feelings. 
I felt like I was losing my mind, I began to self harm, it was my way of releasing the pain within me. It allowed me to shut off from the world. I started to engage in other behaviors such as an eating disorder which to this day is a struggle, cracks began to appear in my mask. My friends did try to reach out and help but I refused to let anyone in, my eating disorder had such a hold on me that I pushed everyone out of my life, I even stopped going to school. 
Each day was a struggle to get by, I wanted to kill myself. Every night I would lay down and realise how pointless and lonely my life had become, the thoughts and plans would start to brew. One night I broke, the adrenalin in me was over boiling and the impulse to self destruct was too extreme, I over dosed on sleeping pills. I was so scared, I panicked, luckily enough I text-ed my best friend who insisted I woke up my parents in which I did. The trip to the hospital was a blur but I woke up a day later and was sent to the psych hospital as I was still a danger to myself. 
So here I am now 20 years old writing this post, I am now not ashamed to talk about my issues, yet I still struggle and fall backwards on occasions but i'm learning to work through my problems one baby step at a time. Bit by bit i'm I am changing and growing stronger, it's a slow process but a well worthy one. I believe that I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for all that I've experienced, I now have the ability to make a change in which I hope to raise awareness for mental health.
Suicide is not to be taking lightly, if you feel suicidal or you know of someone who is, I want you to know that help is available and recovery is possible. Please don't be afraid to seek for help, you deserve the help you need to get back to living life to the fullest. Nobody just wakes up one Sunday morning and becomes depressed, it's a mental illness. I know how easy it is to start blaming yourself but hand on heart it is not your fault, I promise things do and will get better. I am always just a message away so don't ever feel like you are on your own, I will also leave a list below of some helplines. STAY STRONG.

• Samaritans

• 08457 90 90 90 (UK)

1850 60 90 90 (ROI)

National Suicide Prevention 

1 – 800 – 273 – TALK (USA)

Life Line

13 11 14 (AUS)

Life Line

(09) 5222 999 within Auckland

0800 543 354 outside Auckland

NAILS OF THE DAY

Good afternoon guy's, so here is to my first Nails of the Day post yaaaay, I'll keep this post short and sweet for you lot. So today iv'e been wearing Hollywood glamour inspired nails. I applied a base coat of Rimmel London 5in1 Nail Treat, I then applied a coat of Essence's in 114 fame fatal and then I left my nails until they were fully dry so I could then apply a top coat of Rimmel London 5in1. The photo does not do the polish any justice, I adore Essence's nail varnish's, at €1.29 each and a bundle of generous colour's you can't go wrong.

What colour nail's have you been wearing ?

Are We Strong Enough To Break The Past.

Shirt - Pennys (Primark)

Skinny Jeans - Pennys (Primark)

Creepers - Amazon

Bag - Pennys (Primark)

Fox Tail - Nasty Gal

#6

#10 secrets // #09 loves // #08 fears // #07 wants // #06 places // #05 foods // #04 books // #03 films // #02 songs // #01 picture of yourself. 
06. Greece, I volunteered there in 2010 and I just fell in love with the place, I was there for a month in a tent surrounded by mountains and breath taking scenery, I honestly think I left my heart in Greece. Volunteering aboard was the best decision I've ever made and would go back to Greece in a heart beat. 
05. Camden, I just adore everything about that place, the busy markets, the amazing food, I feel alive in Camden. Hopefully i'll be going there for a spot of Xmas shopping soon.
04. My bedroom it's just so peaceful, I love to relax and wind down and light candles and curl up with a book in bed. My bed is the most comfiest bed EVER !!!!
03. The nature trail, as a kid my Granda use to bring me and my cousins out to the woods with the dogs. We called it the nature trail and often my granda would pretend we were "lost in the woods" when really he knew which path led to where. It was my childhood and I love that place dearly, from picking berries to swinging on the swing over the stream, holds a special place in my heart. 
02. I am not sure if this can be classed as a place, the stars, yeh I've mentioned them quiet a lot but they simply fascinate me every time I gaze in to the dark valley filled with bright lights it gives me a sense of joy and within that second all of today's worries are lost. 
01. Bunratty castle and the folk park in Co.Clare, we use to visit there as a child and I loved wandering through the "living village" it was an amazing to experience the recreated 19 century life. 

August Favourites

Evening everyone this is my first ever monthly favourites post which i'm excited to share them with you's.

• Lush - Tea Tree Water : I've been on the hunt for a good toner and by god have I found one. It instantly refreshes the skin and the smell of tea tree is divine. This product is a essential in my skin care routine and  I will definitely be repurchasing it.
• Figs & Rouge - 100% Organic Balm : I literally have falling in love with this balm, my lips aren't in the best condition so I have found it nourishes them and keeps them smooth and moisturised. The packaging is vintage and glamorous looking which is a major plus in my books.
• Bio Oil : I bought this oil as I have a few scars that I wanted to try and get rid of, I only recently started using bio oil again and i'm delighted I did so. The oil absorbs quickly into the skin and leaves it feeling silky, I can't say i'm a fan of the scent but it's tolerable. I use this constantly after showering and I've noticed a big difference in my dehydrated skin.
• Balance Me - Pure Skin Face Wash : I found this face wash to be great as it purifies and calms the skin, the aromas are very floral/citrus like.  I've used half of it up already and I will be repurchasing it soon as I've been using it daily.
• Kim Kardashian - Perfume : The bottle is very glamorous which was to be expected of Ms K, the scent is very feminine and I can't stop wearing this musky floral scent. Thank god for my boyfriend giving it to me as a gift other wise I wouldn't have looked twice at it since i'm not a Kardashian fan. 
• Sure - 48 H Active Anti- perspirant : This is my favourite deodorant of now, it gives off a pleasant smell and it doesn't leave any white marks or residue.  
• Primark - Back Combing Brush : I don't suffer with flat hair and I certainly don't have a lack of volume, but sometimes when i'm going out at night and I like that extra volume added to my hair I reach for this back combing brush. It's cheap as chips and works wonders.
• Primark - Velcro Rollers : Another primark wonder product, as I mentioned above my hair has a lot of volume but I like to put these in to give my hair added fullness and bounce when going out. They are so quick and easy to use, I feel like a glamorous scouser with them in my hair.  

 Do you like any of my favourites ?

Xo

#07

#10 secrets // #09 loves // #08 fears // #07 wants // #06 places // #05 foods // #04 books // #03 films // #02 songs // #01 picture of yourself.

07. I want to be healthy and happy which is something I'm currently trying to achieve, I'm taking each day as it comes and baby steps, I'm starting back dancing this Tuesday so I'm excited to get my fitness back.

06. To go on holidays, I need a break away to the sun, I was in college throughout the summer so I haven't left the country. I'd do anything to be lying in the sun drinking a cocktail right now. I get so jealous reading posts about bloggers holidays.

05. To go back to been a vegan.

04. A job, I need one badly as money is tight right now.

03. To clear out my wardrobe but it's too much effort.

02. To keep all the puppy's but realistically that's not going to happen unfortunately and there is not enough room on my bed for 5 pups.

01. A tattoo, I am so picky that I've yet to actually stick with an idea and go for it, i'm too much of a perfectionness I can't just settle for anything., I've too many ideas floating around my head.

Xo

Weekend wrap up

How gorgeous does Katy Perry look on the front of US ELLE // This is make-up I done for a shoot, it was good vs evil // Yummy lunch I had after a hard mornings work // My mammy's stew is my far the best // Rain Rain Go Away Come Back Another Day, view from my sitting room, One of the pups, he is so cheeky and playful, I need help with names // The jelly shoes from Urban Outfitters that i'm mad about, reminds me of been a kid // Dressing room vainness // I'm loving this colour of nail varnish // Blogging time // A bit of a haul // Me & my boyfriend Ciaran.

Currently Reading - Lucy, Jay, Bekie

Currently Loving - The Weather, Wheatabix, CSI, Fantasy Football, X Factor

Currently Hating - Spots

Currently Listening to - Labrinth - Treatment , Justin Bieber - As Long As You Love Me

HAPPY SEPTEMBER EVERYONE ;)

Xo

Haul

Hey everyone so this is my first video and I was literally rattling with nerves while filming this, I really do want to continue vloging but I just need to build my confidence and buy a proper camera which i'm planing on doing so soon. Please do be nice and stay tunned !!!

Xo

#8

#10 secrets // #09 loves // #08 fears // #07 wants // #06 places // #05 foods // #04 books // #03 films // #02 songs // #01 picture of yourself.

I have been putting off doing this post as I've been dreading listing my fears on the net but here goes.

08. A major fear of mine is rats, everything about them makes my skin crawl, I feel sick to my stomach even talking about them. 

07. Not been successful in life, failing frightens me, suppose the perfectionist in me has a part to play in it.

06. Letting my eating disorder get in the way of me leading a "normal" life. I can't even begin to explain how upset I get over my teenage years I will never get back due to this mental illness and opportunities I've missed out on, i'm afraid i'll never fully recover.

05. Of becoming blind, it would break my heart to not be able to see the beauty in everyday elements. As I said before I admire the stars and to not be able to look up into the midnight sky while the stars sparkle in the sky like diamonds is a beauty to miss out on. 

04. Not been able to have kids, I adore kids as I am a big kid myself, the thought of not giving birth to a little bundle of joy, my own bundle of joy is something I wish not to think about. I know there are other options but there is something so special about giving birth to a baby that's been created by you and your partner, a precious moment that money can't buy. 

03. Heights, you wouldn't believe how bad I am when it comes to heights, like today for instance I was in Penny's (Primark for you British lot) going up the escalator I had to close my eyes as I was starting to freak out, I could feel my life flash before my eyes no joke, how dramatic am I lol.

02. Hurting others, I am a big people pleaser and would go to hell and back for anyone but if I was to hurt someone by mistake it really does eat me up inside. 

01. Last but not least, growing up, it distresses me to think that I have to deal with bills and been able to stand on my own two feet, I am an independent kind of person but the thought of dealing with "adult" issues frightens me. I want to stay a teenager were boys is complicated as it gets and nights where spent innocently. The future aggravates me to no end, not knowing whats ahead is a bitter sweet concern.

Hope you enjoyed this post, whats your fears ?

Xo